Can We Really Fix Relationships? |10.06.24| Re-Assembly Required pt.3
Matt 7:3-5; Philippians 2:1-8
Pastor Drew WIlliams
One of the worst feelings in the world is when you accidentally walk into a spider web. Am I right? Is that the worst feeling in the world? Because one minute you’re walking along and everything is fine. And the next minute you want the world to stop because you know there’s a creature on you. You’re jumping around, you do a little dance, you try to brush off the web. And no matter how hard you jump around a dance,(…) you can never be fully sure that there isn’t still a little spider making a home on your body somewhere.
(…)
Unless, unless you’re with someone, right? And then you ask them, “Would you please just come over here, brush off the web, make sure that I don’t have a spider still on me.” And that is great as long as they’re willing to help you.
(…)
Because let’s be honest, I wouldn’t ask my five year old to help check me for spiders. Number one, she’s not tall enough and she’s not going to be able to check all the spots. Number two, I’ve seen her clean her room. I’m not that confident in finishing the job all the way well, right? We’re working on that. Another person you wouldn’t want to have asked is someone who you know doesn’t see very well. Because the last thing you want to say is, “Did you get it?” And they’re like,(…) “Yeah, yeah, I think I got it. I think I got it. You’re probably fine.” In fact, someone who can’t see very well isn’t a very good person to ask for advice on many topics. Whether it’s, you know, how tidy a room is or how you’re dressed or anything like that. Just yesterday, my glasses, the one arm broke and I had to like super glue it back together. And most of the day I was walking around with no glasses on, just enjoying the fuzziness of the world. And at one point, my wife asked if, you know, the dishes in the dishwasher were clean or dirty. And I had to smell it to see because I couldn’t, I was like, “They smell clean. I’m not sure.” And those are not the type of people you want to get advice or help from. But that doesn’t stop people, does it? Right? People love to give you advice. They’ll give you all the time, even if they’re not the best person to give you that advice. And when they do, when they’re just trying to help out, what’s our natural response?
(…)
Why would I listen to you? Right? We react defensively or we judge them back because we can see that they can’t see all that well. So why would we listen to what they have to say?(…) Have you ever felt that way?
(…)
I was thinking about this earlier this week because we’re wrapping up our series on fixing relationships called Reassembly Required a Beginner’s Guide to Repairing Broken Relationships. So remember, this is just a beginner’s guide. This is not meant to replace good relational work or counseling or anything like that. But sometimes what we need is a simple starting point because what we’re experiencing in that moment is an immediate conflict, a lack of unity, a missed connection. And is this type of missed connection or miscommunication that leads to a lot of relational conflict, doesn’t it? We don’t want them in our business, especially when they aren’t exactly an expert in the thing that they’re telling us to do.(…) But what about when it’s the other direction? Because almost all of us will admit that we’ve been on the other side of that conflict as well, right? Where we’ve been the one giving the advice because we see how someone else is doing something and we just know. We know how to help them. We can help them. And so we say something like, “Are you really going out dressed like that?”
(…)
Or we say things like, “Stop, you’re doing it wrong. Here, let me help you.”
(…)
Or we say things like, “You know that thing you were talking about.(…) I think you should just go talk to them and you should say…
(…)
And how do they respond when we offer that type of help?”(…) Whether it’s a friend or a spouse or a neighbor, a family member, they usually respond the same way that you do when someone else gives you unwanted help. With judgment, with defensiveness. “Get out of my business!”
(…)
So what’s the answer? Are we just supposed to leave each other be?(…) Ignore each other? Let each other just live our own lives?(…) Or are we supposed to chase the other person down and wrestle them to the ground and force them to take what we have to give them?(…) I mean, that might work if you’re trying to feed your dog flea medicine, but it usually doesn’t work with your spouse or with your neighbor, right? So it seems like the only other option is to just leave them be, to mind our own business,(…) to let them walk out of the house dressed like that.(…) But ignoring each other and slowly drifting away can’t possibly be the best model for how God designed us to relate to each other. Even though many of us know people who have done just that, they have gotten fed up, they’ve gotten sick of the fighting, and so they just resign themselves to the quiet disconnection. They’ve just resigned themselves to avoiding and ignoring, slowly slipping apart.(…) Maybe you can even think of someone in your life that has slowly gone that direction. And when we look around at our community, when we look around at our nation, it feels like disconnection is becoming the norm.
(…)
Splitting apart into different tribes, the quiet judgment and the loud anger, all of that seems to be becoming the norm.(…) But deep inside myself, I know that that can’t be the best way. It feels wrong in our deepest selves to allow the fighting and the isolation to keep going on. We know that we were made for something else, for something better.
(…)
And what about for those of us who follow Jesus?(…) Now, if you’re someone who hasn’t yet made the decision to follow Jesus with your whole life,(…) then what I’m about to say is just an idea for you to consider. And I’m glad that you’re here, and you’re welcome to be here while you’re still searching on the journey. But for those of us who have decided to follow Jesus with our whole lives, to be a part of what the mission of new life is all about, which is to become apprentices of Jesus, allowing him to transform us to become more like him in every area of our lives. If you’re bought in, then we have a very clear model to follow. And one of the Bible passages that we’re going to be looking at today gives us some very clear instructions on how apprentices of Jesus are supposed to act when faced with division. So I want to invite you to open up your Bibles with me to Philippians chapter 2. If you’re using the Black Seatback Bible, it’s on page 152 of the New Testament. And while you’re finding it, Philippians is a letter that was written by Paul, a man who had lived through some incredibly difficult relational conflict. But he had always tried to pursue God and God’s way. Now, sometimes that led to healing and fixing of the conflicts, and sometimes it didn’t go Paul’s way. But he still leaned on Jesus as his foundation, rather than reaching and grasping and controlling and coercing those around him to make him feel like he’s still in control. And this letter is written by Paul while he’s in prison in Rome. So he’s under house arrest. He’s awaiting his trial, and he’s writing back to followers of Jesus in another town to give them encouragement and wisdom. And so we’re going to be looking at chapter 2 together, but the letter opens before that, back in chapter 1, talking about how his imprisonment has actually been used by God to spread the good news of Jesus to even more people. This is in verse 12. It’s actually helped spread the gospel. People like his guards,(…) people that he would have never been able to talk to otherwise. And I just love it when God uses things that look bad from the outside, but he still uses it to work towards his good. And then he continues to verse 27.(…) He encourages the followers of Jesus in Philippi to not give up on their faith, but to stand firm even when they experience conflict and persecution and difficulty. And then here in verse 29, he gives them a surprising encouragement, saying that God has given them the grace, the privilege, not only of learning to follow Jesus, but also the privilege to suffer for him as well.(…) Paul knows that following Jesus doesn’t rid us of our troubles. It doesn’t help us fix all the difficulties in our life, because just as Pastor Eric reminded us last week, life often has seasons of suffering, of trouble that we go through.
(…)
And so, Paul says that that is a grace to suffer with Jesus as well as learn from him. And then we get to the passage we’re actually going to look at, the main passage we’re looking at today. In chapter 2, verse 1, Paul reflects on his own difficulties, and then he turns to talk to his audience about their life situations.
(…)
And he starts out by saying, if there’s any comfort in Christ,(…) if there’s any, I turned the wrong page, if there’s any comfort in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the spirit, any compassion, and any sympathy, I want you to make my joy complete and be of the same mind. He says, if you realize that Jesus is actually able to help us get through the suffering that we experience,
(…)
then here’s what Paul wants us to do. Get on the same page.(…) Be unified.(…) Work from the same script. Do everything you can to come together. And so, what does that look like? He continues in verse 3. He says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves.” He says, don’t operate in the way of the world, the way of the world that says, look out for number one.(…) Just look out for number one. That’s how a lot of people operate, right? They’re just looking out for number one. But when, if that’s your main life philosophy, it’s showing that you don’t think anyone else is ever going to look out for you. So you’d better fight for yourself. We better keep others away. We better push others down so that we can keep ourselves afloat.
(…)
But Paul says, because we know that Jesus has given us life,(…) because we know that the love of God will never leave us alone,(…) because we know that the Holy Spirit is always offering us help and partnership,
(…)
because we know that there is someone else looking out for us. We get to humbly treat others in a way that would surprise the world. We get to serve them. We get to choose to love them by lifting them up instead of pushing them down. We get to actually open our eyes and look at the people around us to see if there’s some way that we can help them, some way that they might need help and how we can help them. And then in verse five, Paul focuses in on the main thing. He just says, “Let’s be like Jesus.” He says, “Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus.” And in fact, this phrase, “Let the same mind be in you.” It doesn’t feel that strong, and I feel like it’s, I think it’s meant to be stronger. The phrase actually literally translates as, “Have the same thinking as Christ Jesus.” Have the same process of thinking as Christ Jesus. Another translation for it could be, “Let the same kind of thinking dominate you as that that dominated Jesus.”
(…)
And then he shares these poetic words about what that means. He says, “Have the same attitude as Jesus, who, even though he was God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited but emptied himself.” He says, “Even though he was God, even though he had the fullness of the power and the knowledge and the ability of the creator of the universe intrinsic to himself,(…) he didn’t grab, he didn’t hold onto, he didn’t clutch the power or parade it about to show off that he was God.” No, he emptied himself.(…) He left behind his position of prestige.
(…)
He stepped down into our human existence.
(…)
And even that wasn’t where he stopped. If we keep going in verse 7, “He took the form of the slave, and being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death.”(…) He says, “Even after choosing to let go of his powerful position and to enter humanity, he then went further to show us how far he’s willing to go to serve us, to save us.(…) He allowed himself to be killed.(…) He allowed himself to die for you,(…) for me.”
(…)
So it’s pretty clear if we’re following the model of Jesus, for followers of Jesus,
(…)
for apprentices of Jesus who are learning how to live the way that Jesus lived,
(…)
we’re called to serve like Jesus, to get into Jesus’ mindset where we don’t grab control,(…) but we serve because of the love and the grace and the forgiveness that we have received. It’s a pretty clear thing.
(…)
But it’s also a pretty glaring problem.
(…)
Does anyone else see the problem with this?
(…)
I mean, you might see lots of problems, but the biggest problem that I see, and this stands out the most to me, I’m not Jesus.
(…)
You’re not Jesus.
(…)
If I’m going to try and serve like Jesus, I’m going to mess it up. We just talked about this at the beginning. Every time I try and get in there and help, I’m getting my fingers into things in ways that get in the way of the other person, in ways that cause them extra stress. And when other people try and serve me like Jesus, I don’t always receive it well. I always get very judgy when people try and offer me help. And I go, really? I’m going to listen to you?
(…)
But Jesus actually talks about this. He talks about it at the end of his really famous Sermon on the Mount. You can flip there with me if you’d like. It’s in Matthew chapter seven. Also put it up on the screen.(…) Matthew chapter seven is the end of his Sermon on the Mount. And this is where he says,(…) why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but you don’t notice the log in your own eye? Have you heard this passage before? Right? And he continues, he says, or how can you say to your neighbor, let me take the speck out of your eye while the log is in your own eye.
(…)
Now, this is exactly what we described at the beginning of our message, right?
(…)
We don’t like receiving advice from someone that we know is more messed up than we are.
(…)
And Jesus calls it out.
(…)
It’s way easier to notice someone else’s speck. It’s way easier to notice someone else’s mistake,
(…)
even when we don’t notice a much larger issue that we might be dealing with in our own life. But then Jesus calls it what it is. This is verse five. And actually, I think he says this with a smile. He says, you hypocrite.
(…)
Now, here’s why I think he says it with a soft tone of voice. The word for hypocrite is actually brought over directly from the Greek word, hubocritase.(…) And hubocritase means play actor. It means pretender. It’s actually the word used when you’ve got a troop of people who are putting on a skit. You’re at the county fair, they’re doing a skit, they’re doing a comedy. You got someone dressed up like a clown walking through the crowd, playing pranks on people, singing silly songs, trying to get people to laugh. And you look at that person, a hubocritae, a play actor, and you know that’s not how they really act.
(…)
That’s a character.(…) They’re putting it on. They’re being silly.(…) They’re pretending.
(…)
They’re just playing around.
(…)
It’s like, it reminds me of this moment actually at the end of vacation Bible school just two months ago this summer. We had the most kids we’ve ever had. There’s 150 kids at Bible school this summer. It’s amazing. And we had a big goal for the kids to actually join Jesus in his mission of serving other people. We asked him to raise money by bringing in coins, bringing in a loose change. And we’re going to donate all the change to Hope Life Center. Hope Life Center is one of the local missions partners that we support here. They’re a women’s clinic that provides free prenatal and postnatal care to women and to moms. And so we wanted to just bless them. We wanted the kids to be a part of that. We said, if you raise $200,(…) we’re going to throw a pie into Pastor Eric’s face. And let me tell you, they raised that money so quick. I think the first night. I think the first night. And then we said, okay, well, we got to raise the bar. Okay, if you raise more than that, then we’ll throw a second pie into our youth director, Mike. We’ll throw it in his face. And they hit that goal. Then we said, okay, well, if you guys keep going, then we’re going to get our music director, Danny. We’re going to get a pie in his face too, because these were all people up on stage helping out with different things, known by the kids. And they’re so excited. And by the end of the week, we would raise over $500. And so first Pastor Eric gets a pie in his face and everyone cheers. And then Mike gets a pie in his face and everyone cheers. And then Danny comes and he plays it up. And he gets a pie in his face and everyone cheers. And they had passed every single goal. And so, of course, we had to get a pie in someone else’s face. And so they all wanted it to be, but I said, let’s get this kid.
(…)
She’s been helping us be an MC. McKenna had been helping us. She’s like, I want to do it. And I said, that’s great. You don’t have to wash it out of a beard. That’s wonderful. And so then we got McKenna in the face. And of course, everyone cheered, but then also booed because they wanted me to get hit in the face with a pie.
(…)
Now, I knew that there was another pie backstage,(…) but I played it up saying, well, I’m really sorry, kids.(…) No more pies. I guess we’ll just have to wait till– and then, of course, the kids are like cheering and yelling and stuff. And I’m like, what is it? What are you guys all saying? Because Mike had gone back there and gotten the pie and he was sneaking up on me like this. And so then I play it up and I look one way, but he ducks. And I look the other way, but he ducks. And I look out there like, what are you talking about? And in mid-sentence, he just smashes me in the face with a pie. I think we even have a picture.
(…)
It was hard to see through those glasses for a while after that.
(…)
But I was playing it up.(…) It was fun. It was hilarious. But it was clearly play acting. And everyone knew it. It was silly. Like, how silly is it that I wasn’t able to see Mike right behind me with a big old pie while there’s 100 kids cheering and pointing and stuff?
(…)
And that’s just what Jesus is saying, too.
(…)
He’s saying how silly it is that you focused on this little speck in someone else’s eye while you’re walking around with a 2×4 sticking out of your eye.
(…)
How silly. What a play actor you are. What a pretender you are. What a hypocrite.
(…)
Don’t do that. That’s not what you’re supposed to do.(…) And most people, when they read this passage, they stop right there. And they say, see,(…) don’t be a hypocrite. It means don’t get in someone else’s business because you’ve got your own stuff, too. You are messed up, too. You have a log in your own eye, too.
(…)
But if we keep reading, that’s actually not where Jesus stops. He keeps going. He says, you hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye,(…) then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.
(…)
Because helping someone else is good.
(…)
Investing in our relationship by serving someone else is good.
(…)
But if we’re going to follow in the model of Jesus, if we’re going to allow him to transform us to become more like him, if we’re going to have the same mind as Christ, we serve others by first focusing on our own blind spots.
(…)
Because working on our own blind spots is actually a way to help others.(…) Because it allows us to see better so that we can serve better.
(…)
When you see better, you can serve better. And honestly, when we go through the process of partnering with Jesus to remove our blind spots, that’s usually a great preparation to be able to help others with a similar situation. Because we’ve all been there, but it’s so different to tell someone you should fix this.
(…)
It’s way easier and way better to receive when someone says to you, you know, I’ve dealt with his blind spot before,
(…)
and Jesus has been working on me to heal it. And the steps that I’ve taken actually might be helpful for you as well. It’s totally different when someone shares part of their journey and how that might help you as well. And can you just imagine how great it would be if everyone in your family offered help by reflecting on their own journey first?
(…)
We would have people who have overcome addiction,
(…)
being able to gently and lovingly walk alongside others in the same battle.
(…)
We would have people who have survived marriage fights, being able to compassionately share ways that they’ve reconciled with people so that the people who are currently in the middle of that tension can glean from that.
(…)
We would have people who have over time grown to be less angry, grown to be less arrogant, grown to be less judgmental, being able to offer grace-filled correction when they interact with others who are trying to grow in those same ways.(…) And can you imagine how that would change our families? How that might change our friend groups? Can you imagine how that would change our church to be a beacon of compassionate healing for our community?
(…)
But even better than that,(…) it would be an opportunity to point to Jesus.
(…)
Because do you know what happens when we share how God has helped us heal and grow? It shows how God is a healer,
(…)
and God doesn’t give up on anyone.
(…)
See, when we focus on our own blind spots, when we partner with God to experience healing and growth in ourselves,
(…)
our faith grows, seeing how God’s love and grace extends way farther than we could ever know. And then when we get to share that process, then we can open up the journey of how God has worked in our weakness, on our blind spots, on the log that was blocking our ability to see.(…) When we share that process,(…) it invites others who have a similar story to lean in close. It invites others to experience healing from God as well.
(…)
See, when we don’t play act about being perfect,
(…)
when we don’t pretend that we have all the answers,
(…)
when we stop being hypocrites who are just trying to fix people,(…) but instead we are open about how God has been and is continuing to work in us,(…) it helps others get real.
(…)
It helps others draw close to Jesus because it points to Jesus. And that’s the whole point of being an apprentice of Jesus. Because yes, we want to experience a better life.(…) Absolutely. Yes, I want to help fix relationships in my life. I want to help fix other people’s relationships. Absolutely. But the whole point of following Jesus is to point to Jesus because He is the only true source of life.
(…)
He is the only source of full healing. He is the only one who is worth following so that we can experience that full abundant life now and in eternity.
(…)
And so that’s why Paul encourages us in our passage, we looked at first,(…) Paul encourages us that if there’s any comfort in Christ, to have the same mind as Christ Jesus. And then he continues, he says, who?
(…)
Being fully God, he still did not regard equality with God as something to be clutched, but he emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, stepping into our human frail existence.
(…)
And being found in appearance as a human, he humbled himself even further and became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. And then Paul just keeps going. He says, therefore, God exalted him. He lifted him up. He pointed everything towards him. He exalted him even more highly and gave him the name that is above every name.
(…)
Jesus is not just some lowly failed preacher who got killed on a cross and forgotten. No, he is Jesus. He is the Christ, the savior. He’s the Lord of lords, the King of kings. God lifted him up so that in the name of Jesus,
(…)
every knee should bend in heaven and on earth and under the earth. And every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God, the Father.
(…)
See, when we serve like Jesus, when we partner with him, allow him to work in us so that we can help others,(…) when we commit to the daily journey of being an apprentice of Jesus, so that we can be transformed by Jesus together for the sake of others,(…) that points to him as our Lord.
(…)
That points to Jesus as our King.
(…)
That gives glory to God as more and more people are drawn towards Jesus.
(…)
It’s not to point to us and to show how our life has been fixed or changed or bettered.
(…)
It’s to show how Jesus has worked in us to show how he is the best.
(…)
So how do we fix to work, how do we work to fix broken relationships?(…) Well, it’s not done by ignoring each other’s flaws,(…) just letting each other be. And it’s also not done by rushing in and trying to fix each other or coerce each other.
(…)
Jesus tells us to take the log out of our own eyes first so that we can help others.
(…)
In other words, we allow him to deal with our stuff first so that we can join him in his work of serving others.(…) That’s the goal for apprentices of Jesus. We’re not called to be perfect.
(…)
We’re called to be aware, aware of our own brokenness, aware of the grace that we’ve received, aware of how God is inviting us to extend that same grace to others.(…) And when we take on the mind of Christ, when we humbly serve others,
(…)
we’re investing in the kind of relationships that can actually heal.
(…)
So let’s commit to that today.(…) Let’s commit to being people who serve like Jesus, starting with our own hearts,(…) because that’s how broken things get fixed when we partner with the healer and we choose to follow his way together.
(…)
Isn’t that good news?(…) Amen.