When Sorry Doesn’t Work: How to Repair Broken Relationships
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? That awkward moment after you’ve messed up, said something hurtful, or did something that caused friction. So, naturally, you say, “I’m sorry.” You’re expecting that to fix everything. But sometimes, instead of acceptance and forgiveness, what do you get? A cold shoulder. An awkward silence. Or worse, the dreaded, “Sorry isn’t enough.”
Ever feel like you’re slapping a band-aid on a wound that needs stitches? Maybe you’ve noticed that saying “sorry” over and over again starts to feel a little… hollow. It’s like duct taping your car together and hoping it’ll run fine. Sure, it might hold for a while, but that’s not a real fix.
It’s not just about offering a quick apology and moving on. When relationships break down, especially with the people closest to us, like family, friends, or even coworkers, there’s often something deeper going on. And, more often than not, it’s gonna take more than a simple “sorry” to mend the cracks.
In fact, God isn’t content with just saying “sorry,” either. He wasn’t satisfied with simply forgiving us. God desired something far more powerful, something far more restorative—reconciliation. And that’s where real healing happens. Today, we’re going to talk about what it looks like to move from a mere apology to real, deep restoration in our relationships.
1. Stop Trying to Fix People Like You Fix Leaky Faucets
First things first: we often approach broken relationships like we’re trying to fix a leaky faucet. A little twist here, tighten a bolt there, and we’re good to go, right? But people aren’t leaky faucets. You can’t just tinker around and expect things to get better. Apologies are important, but they’re not a magic fix. The real work begins with humility and understanding.
Sometimes we approach someone we’ve wronged and think, “If I say I’m sorry, they’ll move on.” But here’s the truth: relationships are built on trust, not quick fixes. And trust? Well, trust takes time to rebuild, just like you wouldn’t trust that leaky faucet until you’ve seen that it’s been properly repaired over time.
Philippians 2:1-8 teaches us something profound here: humility. Jesus didn’t come to the earth with a half-baked apology plan. No, He took on the form of a servant, He humbled Himself—even to the point of death on a cross. If God’s idea of reconciliation was that radical, then our approach to healing broken relationships needs to follow suit. We can’t just patch things up; we have to be willing to sacrifice our pride and serve the other person in love.
2. The Danger of Avoiding the Real Problem
Have you ever had a small problem you thought you could ignore? You know, like the check engine light that’s been on for months or that little squeak in the door hinge? It’s easy to avoid small issues, but they have a nasty habit of becoming much bigger problems later.
In our relationships, we do the same thing. We gloss over conflicts or brush aside hurts. We say “sorry,” but we avoid dealing with the root of the issue. And much like ignoring the check engine light, that avoidance only makes things worse.
Luke 5:31-32 tells us that Jesus came not for the healthy, but for the sick. He wasn’t afraid to face the sickness head-on. And in our relationships, we shouldn’t be afraid to address the underlying issues either. Whether it’s bitterness, resentment, or unspoken hurt, we need to bring those things into the light.
Imagine you’re standing on the shore of a lake, and there’s a large boulder blocking the flow of water. You can apologize for the boulder being there all day long, but until you move it, the water’s not going anywhere. Likewise, until we address the real issues in our relationships, no amount of apologies will restore the flow of trust and connection.
3. Embrace the Mess—Because God Embraced Yours
Sometimes, we’re afraid to dive into the messiness of a broken relationship because we’re not sure what we’ll find. What if it’s more painful than we thought? What if there’s more damage than we realized? But here’s the thing: Jesus didn’t shy away from our mess. He embraced it. He stepped right into our brokenness and made it His mission to restore what was lost.
So often, we think we need to have everything figured out before we can even begin to repair a relationship. But that’s not how reconciliation works. It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s worth it. And the good news is, we don’t have to do it alone. God’s been in the business of restoring broken relationships for a long time. He’s not afraid of your mess, and He’ll help you work through it.
Think about the Prodigal Son in Luke 15. When the son came back home, he didn’t have all the right words. He didn’t even have his life together. But the father embraced him anyway. That’s the picture of God’s love for us—and it’s the model for how we should approach others. We don’t need to wait for everything to be perfect to start healing a relationship. We just need to start.
4. Stop Keeping Score—Start Seeking Peace
If you’ve ever played sports, you know the importance of keeping score. But when it comes to relationships, keeping score is one of the worst things you can do. Every time you think, “I’ve apologized more than they have,” or “I’m always the one making the first move,” you’re building walls instead of bridges.
Philippians 2 reminds us that Jesus didn’t come to earth to settle a score. He didn’t hold onto His rights or His position. Instead, He humbled Himself, seeking peace rather than keeping score. And that’s the attitude we need to have in our relationships.
When you stop keeping score, you free yourself from the constant need to be right. You stop tallying offenses and start seeking peace. And let me tell you, that’s when the real healing begins.
5. More Than Saying “Sorry”
Here’s where the rubber meets the road: God didn’t just forgive us and leave it at that. He reconciled us to Himself. He didn’t just remove the offense; He restored the relationship. And that’s what He calls us to do with others.
Forgiveness is about canceling the debt. Reconciliation is about rebuilding the relationship. It’s the hard work of restoring trust, of extending grace, and of making things right—not just in words, but in actions. And it’s something God calls each of us to do.
In Matthew 18, Jesus tells the parable of the unmerciful servant, a man forgiven a massive debt who refused to forgive someone who owed him far less. The point? We are called to reflect the radical forgiveness and reconciliation we’ve received from God. When we understand just how much we’ve been forgiven, it becomes a whole lot easier to pursue reconciliation with others—even when it’s hard, even when it’s messy, and even when saying “sorry” isn’t enough.
What Now? (More Than Words)
So what do we do when “sorry” doesn’t work? We humble ourselves, we address the real issues, we embrace the mess, we stop keeping score, and most importantly, we commit to reconciliation—not just forgiveness, but the hard, beautiful work of restoring what’s been broken.
And as we do, we follow the example of the One who didn’t stop at forgiveness but went all the way to the cross to reconcile us to God.
So, maybe today is the day you stop trying to duct-tape your relationships and start really fixing what’s broken. It won’t be easy, but with God’s help, it’s possible. And the result? Real, deep, life-changing healing.